So – it became obvious, very quickly, that Mother Ayahuasca was going to deliver some incredible insights. It also became quickly obvious that there would be no messing around and it would be from a place of tough love – I really felt like I’d take the red pill 😉.
So one of the biggest lessons I got, if not the biggest, was that of letting go of being a victim, and, letting go of my victim’s story.
Now I don’t know about the red pill – this was more like one of those bitter pill moments. One of those things you just don’t want to see or face up to. The thing about Aya is that she doesn’t mess about – she’s shows you it like it is – no messing, no holding back, and some of the stuff she shows you is just plain ugly. This was one of those.
What I realise now though is that you are shown it and get to re-experience it so that you can witness the energy of it (or that’s how I see it). And by feeling the energy of it – you get to complete the feeling level experience and also to truly see the effect carrying that shit has on your energy level and how it affects your vibrational state. These are things we hear a lot about, but when you can actually see them – it all becomes clear and it makes so much sense why it is so important to do whatever it takes to keep those levels high – it’s literally everything.
So as she was showing me the different aspects of my victim story and the effect it had had on me over the years – I literally felt sick. I was shown 1000’s of times when I was making myself small, weak or poor – just to get attention, to be let off or to get connection. The images streamed through my consciousness and I could feel my energy draining away as I witnessed them. She showed me the amount of time, energy and money I’d invested into that story and the associated suffering which made me feel even sicker. She also showed me all of the lost opportunities that it had un-created. It got to the point where I couldn’t face it anymore – I was literally fighting to keep looking at it – my head had a mind of it’s own and was trying to look away.
I then got the question…
“How long are you going to keep investing into something that’s taking everything you have and more”
I knew in that moment it was time to let it go. So that’s what I did for the rest of that journey – let that shit go!!!!
There was some filthy, ugly, painful shit to feel through, and when it had gone – I felt such a sense of lightness and joy. I realised this was what was at the core of everything.
The funny thing is – that’s what I’m seeing now when I’m coaching people I can see that we all have some story that we hang on to that dis-empowers us in some way, and the problem is that it’s human nature, that when you’ve invested heavily into something, you will stick with it to remain consistent with your original beliefs and actions. Basically to prove yourself right and to remain inline with what you originally said. In other words – to not appear as a lier, or to stick to your word – something UBER important to most of us and to society.
That is one thing. The next is that because we’ve had that story for so long – we tend to identify with it. In other words – it becomes who we THINK we really are. This then adds to the difficulty in creating change – as it feels like you’re going to lose who you are if you let go of the story and that is one of the scariest things a human can feel.
So that all sounds pretty heavy right, but I was gifted a couple of things. Firstly I was given the gift of letting go of my own victim’s story and I can only begin to tell you how freeing that was and is. It’s so cool not having to drag myself down anymore. I now just get to fly and feel good.
Secondly, I was gifted the knowledge on how to assist others in doing the same. This is something that I’m working on with a few clients now and it’s starting to really make a lot more sense now I’m putting it in practice.
The interesting thing is that my intention for that ceremony was. How do I become the most powerful healer I can become. The answer was to face my childhood and let the story go.
❤️ ❤️ ❤️ this journey